Out of Words

I made this post to carry my mind explosion and just to say whatever goes on in my head but in the end I try to encourage myself. haha… this post may contain something dramatized (as in lebay), so whenever you find it a little annoying just take it, okay. 

These lasts days have been – I wouldn’t say that as a chaos – a little out of my grip. Everything seems to stand against me, although that’s not really everything, but it seems like everything to me. The things (one) that suppose to bring smiles gave me tears. The things that suppose to comfort me exhaust me. The faith that I have kept betrays me. I don’t know why all that things happened. Maybe, it’s just me who was being so naive. It’s just me who didn’t see things clearly. I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe. 

I thought this time, I will have so many good things going on. But, no. They didn’t show that way. Instead, I felt I have been left behind. I’m alone on the back sit and everyone has left. Maybe, they didn’t left me, but it’ just me who stayed.

I’m confused. So busy with myself. So busy with what spinning inside me. Everything else neglected. I didn’t mean it, really. 

I realize that, I have been keeping a distance from my life and from people around me. I didn’t realize that the world spins every single day, bringing new wave in every blink of an eye. Sometimes  a good wave, sometimes a terrible one. And it keeps on spinning no matter what. 

The point is, I have been living in my own shell of sadness and clustered myself with what goes on outside it. I abandoned a very precious things in my life. I have abandoned my friends (and their trust). When I realize, they were really there when I need them. They were there. Even though I’m not always there. 

Now in my eyes, bad things happen for a reason. It is meant to make you realize how lucky you are, how you surrounded by life. Embrace it. Embrace the tears that have fallen. Embrace the heart that have broken. Embrace it. Embrace…

I’m trying to hang on here. Believe me I am…